Benefits of great eye contact

• Establishes a connection with your audience
• Improves your concentration
• Projects authority and confidence
• Facilitates engagement with the audience

The benefits are clear, however measuring and practicing eye contact is difficult, or at least it was till recently. Virtual reality (VR) has proven to be an effective method for measuring eye contact due to its immersive nature and precise eye-tracking capabilities.

Participants feel fully present within the virtual environment, increasing the authenticity of their eye contact behavior. In this article, we use the VirtualSpeech app to analyze and get feedback on our eye contact.

The VR app:

1. Immerses the learner in realistic virtual environments, such as a meeting room
2. Provide real-time eye contact feedback and actionable tips for improvement

The first point goes some way in recreating the fear and excitement you might experience when speaking to individuals or groups of people. In virtual reality, we can simulate a client’s phone going off, bright lighting at a conference, and many other scenarios.

The second point is covered in this article. Both during and after the learner’s practice session e.g. sales pitch, conversation, presentation, speech) the app provides feedback for the learner on their eye contact.

The app also provides different training scenarios where you can improve your eye contact with mini-games.

Eye contact analysis

How eye contact is calculated

For eye contact analysis, the app assumes the eyes are looking directly forward from the head. In this way, when the learner moves their head to look at something, the app assumes the eyes move as the head moves. If you watch presentations, you’ll notice this mostly holds true and is a fair assumption to make.

VR app features and scenarios improve eye contact

There are different ways you can review your eye contact and identify areas to improve:

• Heatmap of eye contact during a speech
• Score out of 10 for eye contact performance
• Eye contact training mini-games
• Progress tracking

Eye contact analysis – heatmap

The app analyzes your eye contact throughout a speech and provides a heatmap of where you were looking. This allows you to identify any areas you have neglected or focussed too much on.

The eye contact heatmaps are available in larger rooms, such as the conference or TEDx environments.

Above shows an eye contact heatmap, which you can use to identify areas of the audience you were focussing on.

The same heatmap, but with the environment color turned off and the audience removed, so that the heatmap is more visible.

Eye contact training – mini-games

The VirtualSpeech app contains an eye contact mini-course, where you’ll interact with different virtual avatars and scenarios to learn how to distribute eye contact amongst different-sized audiences.

Practice your eye contact distribution during a sales pitch or interview. The blue target fades over time as you focus on it and moves to the next avatar after a few seconds.

The mini-game shown above improves your eye contact distribution. The blue targets fade over time and fade-in slowly when you take your focus off them.

Eye contact scoring – rating out of 10

In some environments, you’ll receive a score out of 10 after your practice session, indicating how effective your eye contact was. The below example shows a user performing perfectly on eye contact in a meeting room, scoring 10/10. The audience is, therefore, more likely to engage with the learner when speaking and understand the message.

Receive speech analysis on your practice session, which covers areas such as filler words, eye contact, and speaking pace.

Track progress within the app

The eye contact scores you receive are saved so that you can measure your progress over time.

In conclusion

The VirtualSpeech app provides a powerful way for you to analyze and review your eye contact in different rooms and for different sized audiences.

With this feedback, you can improve your eye contact in real-life situations, which will help you get your message across to the audience.

However, there are substantial cultural differences in how people use body language to communicate. Sometimes it is very obvious, many times very subtle.

Whether in a culturally diverse company or visiting emerging markets, understanding what people mean through their body language can be a challenge.

Greetings with a handshake

Even the simple handshake can vary from culture to culture. A handshake is widely accepted as the norm, however you’ll need to vary the firmness depending on the location.

Western culture typically perceives a strong handshake as authoritative and confident, whereas many parts of the Far East perceive a strong handshake as aggressive, and usually bow instead.

In parts of Northern Europe, a quick, firm handshake is the norm. In parts of Southern Europe, Central and South America, a handshake is longer and warmer, with the left hand usually touching the clasped hands or elbow.

Beware that in Turkey, a firm handshake is considered rude and aggressive. In certain African countries, a limp handshake is the standard (Guide to African handshakes). Men in Islamic countries never shake the hands of women outside the family.

Facial expressions

Many facial expressions appear to be universal and recognised all over the globe.

Research carried out by the Paul Ekman Group, an American Psychologist, showed that over 90% of common facial expressions were identified by people in very different cultures. Over 10,000 facial expressions were created for the study and shown to different western cultures and isolated, pre-literate African groups.

In general, there are seven different facial expressions which correspond to distinct universal facial emotions:

• Happiness – Raising and lowering of mouth corners, cheeks raised, and muscles around the eyes are tightened.
• Sadness – lowering of mouth corners and raising inner portion of brows.
• Surprise – Arching of eyebrows, eyelids pulled up and sclera exposed, mouth open.
• Fear – Brows arched and pulled together, eyes wide open, mouth slightly open.
• Disgust – Eyebrows lowered, upper lip raised, nose wrinkled, cheeks raised.
• Anger – Brows lowered, eyes bulging, lips pressed firmly.

Hand gestures

We use gestures as a way to emphasize points and illustrate what we are saying.

Hand gestures can mean very different things in different cultures; the ‘OK’ sign in Greece, Spain or Brazil means you are calling someone an a**hole. In Turkey, it’s meant to be an insult towards gay people.

A thumbs up in America and European cultures is an indicator of a job well done, however in Greece or the Middle East, it can mean ‘up yours’

Curling the index finger with the palm facing up is a common gesture that people in United States and parts of Europe use to beckon someone to come closer.

However, it is considered rude in China, East Asia, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, and many other parts of the world. It’s also considered extremely impolite to use this gesture with people. It is used only to beckon dogs in many Asian countries – and using it in the Philippines can get you arrested.

On Inauguration Day 2005, President George W. Bush raised his fist, with the index and little finger extended, in the shape of the Texas Longhorn football team logo. Newspapers around the world expressed their astonishment at the use of such a gesture. In many Mediterranean and Latin countries, such as Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Cuba, Spain, Italy, and Portugal, to make this sign at someone is to tell them that their spouse is cheating on them.

Eye contact

In most western countries, eye contact is a sign of confidence and attentiveness. We tend to assume that if someone looks away while we are talking to them, they’re disinterested and looking for someone else to talk to.

In many Middle Eastern countries, same-gender eye contact tends to be more sustained and intense than the western standard. In some of these countries, eye contact beyond a brief glance between the sexes is deemed inappropriate.

In many Asian, African, and Latin American countries, however, this unbroken eye contact would be considered aggressive and confrontational. These cultures tend to be quite conscious of hierarchy, and avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect for bosses and elders.

In these parts of the world, children won’t look at an adult who is speaking to them, and nor will employees to their bosses.

Eye contact variation by culture:

• Used a lot in regions such as the Middle East, Mediterranean cultures, Europeans, and Latin Americans.
• Used often in much of Northern Europe and North America
• Used somewhat carefully in cultures in Africa, Middle East, Korea and Thailand
• Used carefully in most of the Far East

Learn how to use body language to improve your professional relationships. Practice what you learn in virtual reality exercises. Learn more about the body language course.

Moving your head

In some parts of India, people tilt their head from side to side to confirm something and demonstrate that they are actively listening. The side-to-side head movement originates from British occupation, as the occupied Indian people were afraid to ever gesture ‘no’ to soldiers but wanted to show signs of understanding.

A video decoding Indian headshakes went viral, attracting over a million hits in a week.

Touch

Northern Europe and the Far East as classed as non-contact cultures. There is very little physical contact beyond a handshake with people we don’t know well. Even accidentally brushing someone’s arm on the street warrants an apology.

An innocent hug made headlines around the world in 2009 when America’s first lady, Michelle Obama, broke royal protocol on a visit to Britain by hugging the Queen.

By comparison, in the high-contact cultures of the Middle East, Latin America, and southern Europe, physical touch is a big part of socialising.

In much of the Arab world, men hold hands and kiss each other in greeting, but would never do the same with a woman.

In Thailand and Laos, it is taboo to touch anyone’s head, even children. In South Korea, elders can touch younger people with force when trying to get through a crowd, but younger people can’t do the same.

Physical contact variation by culture:

• High Contact cultures tend to stand close when speaking and make physical contact more often. Latin America, Southern Europe, and most Middle Eastern nations are examples.
• Medium Contact cultures stand quite close when speaking and will touch on occasion. Such cultures include Northern Europe and North America.
• Low Contact cultures stand at a greater distance and generally avoid physical contact. The Far East is an example.

These rules are usually quite complex. They may differ depending on the age, gender, ethnicity, profession, and status of the people involved.

Sitting positions

Be aware of your posture when you attend meetings or are dining. Sitting cross-legged is seen as disrespectful in Japan, especially in the presence of someone older or more respected than you.

Showing the soles of your shoes or feet can offend people in parts of the Middle East and India. That is why throwing shoes at someone is a form of protest and an insult in many parts of the world – as former U.S. President George W. Bush famously discovered on a visit to Iraq in 2008.

Silence

Though it can feel like a void in communication, silence can be very meaningful in different cultural contexts. Western cultures, especially North America and the UK, tend to view silence as problematic. In our interactions at work, school, or with friends, silence is uncomfortable. It is often perceived as a sign of inattentiveness or disinterest.

In other cultures, however, silence is not viewed as a negative circumstance. In China, silence can be used to show agreement and receptiveness. In many aboriginal cultures, a question will be answered only after a period of contemplative silence. In Japan, silence from women can be considered an expression of femininity.

Gender

In many cultures, what is acceptable for a man may not be acceptable for a woman. The most obvious example is the issue of covering your head in some Muslim countries but also, within religions such as Islam and Hinduism, shaking a woman’s hand can be considered offensive.

Conclusion

Modern transportation and an increase in expendable income allow us to visit a huge range of cultures. We’ve discussed how gestures, eye contact, greetings, and physical contact can have very different meanings in different countries and cultures so you’ll want to learn as much as you can about the country’s etiquette, values, and styles of communication before you visit.

Being able to understand cultural differences will improve your working relationships and potentially make you more successful in an increasingly globalized, multi-cultural working world.

Popular travel location etiquette guides:

• Thailand
• China
• Japan
• Britain
• India
• Saudi Arabia

These non-verbal cues continually happen when people interact. They can be both positive and negative and can be knowingly or unconsciously given.

Body language in the workplace

To work effectively with people, it’s important to be able to look past what you hear and to recognize cues in your colleagues’ body language. It’s also helpful for you to know which examples of body language you display to others, and how these might affect your professional relationships.

• Body Language: Online Course with Examples and Practice

Positive body language

Displaying positive body language can help to strengthen relationships with others, lead them to more willingly trust what you are saying, and allow them to feel respected and heard by you.

Here are some examples of positive body language and what their use can mean.

1. Open hands with palms facing up

If someone makes a gesture of open hands it can indicate that they are open and honest as a person. This gesture can be used to emphasize the importance of what is being said, or simply to show that the person making the gesture is approachable and welcomes other people to speak to them.

Turning the palms to face upwards with the hands open in this way can also indicate submission. Historically, a gesture of open hands showing the palms was intended to demonstrate that no weapons were being carried or concealed. Therefore opening your hands can show that you are not a threat and that you are ready to have a conversation.

2. Standing up straight

Standing up straight shows confidence and self-belief. If you stand up straight people will believe that you are capable in your role and that you know what you’re doing. They will feel more comfortable coming to you for help and may see you as being approachable in general.

When a straight stance is relaxed and is combined with facing openly towards the people you are in conversation with, it demonstrates that you are self-assured and that you are listening to them with respect.

3. Eye contact

Eye contact can be used positively to show confidence, trust and to promote open conversation. If you regularly look someone in the eye during a conversation it shows that you mean what you are saying. It can also be used as a turn-taking cue to show that you are ready to hear what the other person has to say.

It’s important during conversation to break eye contact at intervals to show that you are respectful and that you do not present a threat.

It is usual to look away more while you are talking and to make more regular direct eye contact when listening to the other person to show that you are being attentive to their thoughts.

4. Nodding or tilting the head to the side

Nodding while someone speaks shows that you are focused on what they are saying and are listening respectfully to them. It can show that you agree with what they are saying or just that you are acknowledging that their thoughts or opinions are valid.

Tilting the head to the side shows again that you are listening attentively and that you are considering what they say with respect, whether you agree or disagree with them. Nodding and tilting the head during conversations are positive and respectful gestures that indicate approachability and openness.

5. Smiling

Smiling at someone shows that you are friendly, open, approachable, and likable. It also shows that you like and respect the person you’re smiling at and will help to strengthen both personal and professional relationships.

When you smile at someone it can indicate that you are attentively listening and this can encourage friends or colleagues to be more confident about sharing their opinions or suggestions with you. Of course, the smile should be natural and not come across as nervous or forced.

People who smile genuinely and who come across as being approachable are likely to be more successful working within a team, as they will be regarded as likable and respectful.

People will be more likely to be willing to discuss problems with someone approachable, which will lead to more productive discussions and better resolution of issues.

Negative body language

Negative body language can be damaging for professional and personal relationships as its use can indicate defensive feelings, lack of interest in the other person, or dishonesty.

Negative body language can be used unintentionally and can betray what you think about what you are saying or about the person you’re speaking to. Here are some examples of negative body language to look out for or to try and avoid using with others.

1. Arms crossed

Crossing the arms over the chest is considered a defensive posture. It shows that you are closed off and unwilling to enter into a discussion with someone, almost as if you are drawing a firm line under a conversation or cutting it off before it begins.

This might be because of a lack of confidence in your thoughts or abilities, or it could show that you are unwilling to listen to others.

Someone with crossed arms gives the impression that they disagree with the person they are in conversation with. It shows an unwillingness to have their opinions changed and can make them seem quite unapproachable.

2. Finger or foot-tapping

Tapping the fingers or feet can indicate impatience, boredom, or anxiety on the part of the tapper. If you tap your fingers while having a conversation with someone, they might get the impression that you don’t have time for them, or that you want the discussion to be over.

It can seem that you’re not listening at all. Tapping the feet can give the same impression to others, and it can also lead them to see you as being nervous, jumpy, or lacking in confidence.

Learn how to use body language to improve your professional relationships. Practice what you learn in virtual reality exercises. Learn more about the body language course.

3. Legs crossed

Crossing the legs, much like crossing the arms, can be perceived as a defensive posture. If someone crosses their legs at the ankles during a conversation, it can indicate dishonesty or insecurity and may lead the person they are speaking with to have difficulty trusting them or having confidence in what they are saying.

Crossing the legs at the knees can also give the impression of a lack of confidence or of being closed off from the conversation.

If the crossed legs are also then pointed away from the other person it can indicate quite a strong discomfort either with the topic of the conversation or with them personally.

4. Avoiding eye contact

While it can appear threatening to maintain continuous eye contact or stare at someone, avoiding eye contact altogether is certainly not a positive gesture. If you avoid eye contact when talking with or working alongside someone, it can indicate that you lack confidence or that you have something to hide.

Avoiding eye contact sends a clear message that you are not open to conversation and that you don’t have respect for or interest in what others might have to say.

5. Frowning

It might seem obvious that frowning is an example of negative body language and should be avoided. However, people often frown without realizing they are doing it, if they are lost in thought or concentrating on what is being said, for example.

It doesn’t necessarily mean they are angry or upset, even though it might look like it. For many people, frowning occurs when they are listening intently, and so is not intended to be negative at all.

It’s therefore important to be aware of your facial expressions and to check in with yourself when you’re listening to others to see if this is something you do.

Bear in mind too that if someone is frowning at you while you are speaking they might not mean to give the impression that they are cross or dislike what you’re saying. They might be very interested in your point of view and be considering it thoughtfully.

Using body language to your advantage

Being aware of body language and facial expressions and what they can mean when interacting with other people is important, both personally and professionally. It’s also worth bearing in mind that somebody language cues differ in their meaning in different cultures and that sometimes it is possible to misread the meaning behind some gestures.

Understanding the body language cues of others, however, can help you to understand and work with them more effectively, as you’ll be able to see when they might be feeling uncomfortable, for example, or when they are confident in their setting or their relationships.

Being self-aware is also helpful, as you can monitor and adapt your gestures and expressions to make yourself more approachable to others, show them that you respect them, and mark yourself as a good listener and team player. Being knowledgeable about both positive and negative body language cues can certainly work to your advantage.

Positive eye contact helps you build rapport with your audience and keeps them engaged with your presentation. It also gives them a sense of involvement and conveys your message on a personal level.

Here are the key benefits of eye contact followed by tips on how you can improve yours during a presentation.

Benefits of great eye contact

1. Establishes a connection with your audience

A deliberate look in the eyes of an audience member can communicate how much you care about their thoughts. Sustained eye contact is an invitation to turn your talk into a conversation. It creates a bond between speaker and listener, a connection that is beneficial to both parties.

When you look someone in the eye, they are more likely to look at you, more likely to listen to you, and more likely to buy into your message.

2. Improves your concentration

A room full of people, with all the different lighting and sounds, can be very distracting. Deliberately focussing your eyes on different audience members will help calm your nerves and clear your mind. Keep your eye contact steady so you can concentrate on your message.

When you look someone in the eye for three to five seconds, you will naturally slow down your speech, which will make you sound more authoritative.

3. Projects authority and confidence

Have you ever spoken with someone who averts their gaze every time they talk? It’s hard to believe they know what they are talking about and you might find yourself undermining what they are saying.

With sustained, focused eye contact comes authority. If you can’t look people in the eye, you can’t expect them to believe your message or agree with your point of view. Good eye contact can communicate confidence and conviction.

4. Facilitates engagement with the audience

People will be more willing to participate in the speech when they see you scanning the crowd. You’ll notice them nodding, frowning and even smiling. As a result, your audience are transformed from passive listeners to active participants.

If you don’t focus on different audience members or are looking at the floor (or your slides), the audience are less likely to engage with the presentation and start thinking about something completely different – you’ll have effectively lost that participant as they are no longer listening to what you are saying.

Tips on how to improve eye contact

1. See your audience as individual listeners

Before you speak, take a moment to pause and scan the room for friendly faces. Connect with listeners who you think will engage with you and focus on one audience member at a time. You’ll be more conversational and confident if you do so.

2. Involve everyone in the conversation

The key here is to connect with as many people as possible. If you’re dealing with a large crowd and it’s impractical to make eye contact with everyone, divide the audience into sections and just choose one member from each group to connect with. When shifting your focus from one area to another, don’t follow a pattern otherwise you’ll appear unnatural.

3. Sustain eye contact long enough to make a connection, then move on

According to Toastmasters, the organization dedicated to developing public speaking skills, it takes no more than five seconds to establish proper contact. Five seconds is usually the time it takes to finish a thought, so there’s minimal risk of losing your focus if you follow this tip. This can also help you slow down your speaking rate.

4. Avert your eyes when a person grows uncomfortable

Not everyone appreciates being looked at directly in the eye. While it’s true that eye contact is a universal communication signal, there are certain exceptions that you should consider. Some cultures and norms find eye contact offensive under certain circumstances.

5. Prepare your presentation more

Most speakers look to the ceiling or floor when struggling to find the right words to explain a thought. If you do this for long periods of time, you risk disconnecting from your audience. Better preparation means you spend more energy and focus talking, and less time thinking of what to say.

6. Ensure eye contact as you deliver all critical lines

Nobody expects you to sustain eye contact for an entire 30 minute presentation. However, be sure to highlight key points with strong eye contact. This includes your opening, your closing, and all other critical lines throughout. If you combine this with expressing emotion, the impact of your words will be much stronger.

7. Meet audience members before the presentation starts

Most speakers have poor eye contact at the beginning of their presentation, improving only as the audience begins to engage with the presentation. This is natural for humans – it’s hard to connect immediately with total strangers.

A good tip is to meet as many of them as possible before your presentation begins by greeting people at the entrance. By the time you start speaking, at least some of them will be on your side.

Practice your Eye Contact

Build rapport and develop a better connection with your audience by improving your eye contact. Learn More

Note: Cultural differences in eye contact

Keep in mind that the length of eye contact varies by culture. Some cultures use eye contact more than others. If you’re giving a presentation in a culture other than your own, make sure you investigate the cultural norms and behaviour of the people in your audience.

For example, in Middle Eastern cultures, it’s considered inappropriate for people of the opposite sex to look each other in the eye, as that can denote a romantic interest between them. In Asian cultures, however, eye contact is seen more as a sign of disrespect, especially when the contact is made by a subordinate to his or her superior. This is because most Asian countries are largely authoritarian.

Active listening skills can help build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding and avoid conflict. By becoming a better listener, you’ll improve your workplace productivity, as well as your ability to lead a team, persuade and negotiate.

Active listening definition

Active listening requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being said. You make a conscious effort to hear and understand the complete message being spoken, rather than just passively hearing the message of the speaker.

In this article, we’ll cover the following:

1. Why is listening important?
2. Benefits of active listening
3. What makes a good listener?
4. Verbal and non-verbal signs of active listening
5. Four different listening styles
6. Examples of active listening
7. Barriers to effective listening
8. Tips to becoming an effective listener
9. Listening exercises

Why is listening important?

Listening is the most fundamental component of communication skills. Listening is not something that just happens, listening is an active process in which a conscious decision is made to listen to and understand the messages of the speaker.

Active listening is also about patience, listeners should not interrupt with questions or comments. Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings, they should be given adequate time for that.

We spend a lot of time listening

Various studies stress the importance of listening as a communication skill. The studies on average say we spend 70-80% of our waking hours in some form of communication. Of that time, we spend about 9 percent writing, 16 percent reading, 30 percent speaking, and 45 percent listening.

Studies also confirm that most of us are poor and inefficient listeners. Most of us are not very good at listening, research suggests that we remember less than 50% of what we hear in a conversation.

Benefits of active listening

There are many important benefits of active listening, these include:

• Builds deep trust – As you cultivate the habit of listening sincerely, you invite people to open up. They can sense that you will not be jumping to conclusions based on superficial details. They also realise that you care enough about them to listen attentively. While building trust takes time, it leads to great benefits such as lifelong friendships and a promise of help in difficult times.
• Broadens your perspective – Your own perspective in life is not the complete truth or how everyone else sees it. The way you understand life from your beliefs and thinking is only one way to look at it – listening to other people’s perspectives allows you to look at life from different perspectives, some of which you may not have thought of before.
• Strengthens your patience – The ability to be a good listener takes time and you need to develop it with regular efforts over time. But as you gradually get better and better at listening, an automatic benefit is that you develop patience. Patience to let the other person express his or her feelings and thoughts honestly while you don’t judge.
• Makes you approachable – As you present yourself as a patient listener, people feel more naturally inclined to communicate with you. By being there for them, you give them the freedom to express their feelings.
• Increases competence and knowledge – Great listening skills make an employee more competent and capable, regardless of their position. The more an individual can get information out of the meetings, the instructions, and reports provided to him, the more efficient and successful they will be at completing the task. Listening also builds knowledge and helps fulfil work requirements through progressive learning.
• Saves time and money – Effective listening not only reduces risks of misunderstanding and mistakes that could be very damaging to the business, but it also saves time and money by avoiding starting a task or a project over again, just because the directives given were misunderstood. Employees do not waste precious time and a specific budget allocated to a project.
• Helps detect and solve problems – As a leader, they should always be attentive to what employees have to say. In the workplace, they are the first ones to spot flaws and come up with suggestions for improvements. Listening to colleagues will help you understand what needs to be changed and worked on to retain talent and make improvements.

What makes a good listener?

Good listeners actively endeavour to understand what others are really trying to say, regardless of how unclear the messages might be. Listening involves not only the effort to decode verbal messages, but also to interpret non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and physical posture.

Effective listeners make sure to let others know that they have been heard, and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings fully.

You also need to show to the person speaking that you’re listening through non-verbal cues, such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’. By providing this feedback the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and communicates more easily, openly and honestly.

Listening vs. hearing

Hearing is an accidental and automatic brain response to sound that requires no effort. We are surrounded by sounds most of the time. For example, we are accustomed to the sounds of cars, construction workers and so on. We hear those sounds and, unless we have a reason to do otherwise, we learn to ignore them.

Hearing is:

• Accidental
• Involuntary
• Effortless

Listening, on the other hand, is purposeful and focused rather than accidental. As a result, it requires motivation and effort. Listening, at its best, is active, focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a speaker.

Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

Listening is:

• Focused
• Voluntary
• Intentional

Practice Active Listening

Practice your listening skills with exercises and audio recordings, then answer quiz questions to evaluate your listening skills.Learn More

Verbal and non-verbal signs of active listening skills

It’s a horrible feeling talking to someone and realising that they are not really listening. There are some simple steps you can take to let the speaker know you are actively listening, such as asking relevant questions, positive body language, nodding and maintaining eye contact.

Non-verbal signs of active listening

The people are listening are likely to display at least some of these signs. However, these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across all cultures.

• Smile – small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.
• Eye Contact – it is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation. Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.
• Posture – can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting. Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.
• Distraction – the active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.

Verbal Signs of active listening

• Positive Reinforcement – this can be a strong signal of attentiveness, however too much use can be annoying for the speaker. Occasional words and phrases, such as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ will indicate that you are paying attention.
• Remembering – try to remember a few key points, such as the name of the speaker. It can help to reinforce that what is being said has been understood. Remembering details, ideas and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is likely to encourage the speaker to continue.
• Questioning – the listener can demonstrate that they have been paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or making statements that build or help to clarify what the speaker has said. By asking relevant questions the listener also helps to reinforce that they have an interest in what the speaker has been saying.
• Clarification – this involves asking questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been received. Clarification usually involves the use of open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points as necessary.

Four different listening styles

If listening were easy, and if all people went about it in the same way, the task for a public speaker would be much easier.

1. People oriented

The people-oriented listener is interested in the speaker. They listen to the message in order to learn how the speaker thinks and how they feel about their message. For instance, when people-oriented listeners listen to an interview with a famous musician, they are likely to be more curious about the musician as an individual than about music.

2. Action or task oriented

Action-oriented listeners are primarily interested in finding out what the speaker wants. Does the speaker want votes, donations, volunteers, or something else? It’s sometimes difficult for an action-oriented speaker to listen through the descriptions, evidence, and explanations with which a speaker builds his or her case.

For example, when you’re a passenger on an airplane, a flight attendant delivers a brief safety briefing. The flight attendant says only to buckle up so we can leave. An action-oriented listener finds buckling up a more compelling message than a message about the underlying reasons.

3. Content

Content-oriented listeners are interested in the message itself, whether it makes sense, what it means, and whether it’s accurate. Content-oriented listeners want to listen to well-developed information with solid explanations.

4. Time

People using a time-oriented listening style prefer a message that gets to the point quickly. Time-oriented listeners can become impatient with slow delivery or lengthy explanations. This kind of listener may be receptive for only a brief amount of time and may become rude or even hostile if the speaker expects a longer focus of attention.

To learn more about listening styles, read The Importance of Listening – Listening Styles

Examples of active listening

Here are some examples of statements and questions used with active listening:

• Paraphrasing – “So, you want us to build the new school in the style of the old one?”
• Brief verbal affirmation – “I appreciate the time you’ve taken to speak to me”
• Asking open-ended questions – “I understand you aren’t happy with your new car. What changes can we make to it?”
• Asking specific questions – “How many employees did you take on last year?”
• Mentioning similar situations – “I was in a similar situation after my previous company made me redundant.”
• Summarise questions – A job candidate who summarises their understanding of an unclear question during an interview.
• Notice people speaking – A meeting facilitator encouraging a quiet team member to share their views about a project.
• Summarise group conversations – A manager summarizing what has been said at a meeting and checking with the others that it is correct.

Barriers to effective listening

Everyone has difficulty staying completely focused during a lengthy presentation or conversation, or even relatively brief messages. Some of the factors that interfere with good listening might exist beyond our control, but others are manageable. It’s helpful to be aware of these factors so that they interfere as little as possible with understanding the message. Here are some key barriers:

1. Noise

Noise is one of the biggest factors to interfere with listening; it can be defined as anything that interferes with your ability to attend to and understand a message. There are many kinds of noise, the four you are most likely to encounter in public speaking situations are: physical noise, psychological noise, physiological noise, and semantic noise.

2. Attention Span

A person can only maintain focused attention for a finite length of time. Many people argued that modern audiences have lost the ability to sustain attention to a message. Whether or not these concerns are well founded, you have probably noticed that even when your attention is glued to something in which you are deeply interested, every now and then you pause to do something else, such as getting a drink.

3. Receiver Biases

Good listening involves keeping an open mind and withholding judgment until the speaker has completed the message. Conversely, biased listening is characterized by jumping to conclusions; the biased listener believes, “I don’t need to listen because I already know this.” Receiver biases can refer to two things: biases with reference to the speaker and preconceived ideas and opinions about the topic or message. Everyone has biases but good listeners hold them in check while listening.

4. Listening Apprehension

This is the fear that you might be unable to understand the message or process the information correctly or be able to adapt your thinking to include the new information coherently. In some situations, you might worry that the information presented will be too complex for you to understand fully.

Practice Active Listening

Practice your listening skills with exercises and audio recordings, then answer quiz questions to evaluate your listening skills.Learn More

Tips to become an effective listener and improve active listening skills

Tips to help you develop effective listening skills.

Face the speaker and maintain eye contact

Talking to someone while they scan the room, study a computer screen, or gaze out the window is like trying to hit a moving target. How much of the person’s divided attention you are actually getting? Fifty percent? Five percent?

In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective communication. When we talk, we look each other in the eye. Do your conversational partners the courtesy of turning to face them. Put aside papers, books, the phone and other distractions. Look at them, even if they don’t look at you. Shyness, uncertainty or other emotions, along with cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact in some people under some circumstances.

Be attentive and relaxed

Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognise that non-verbal communication is very powerful. In order to be attentive, you’ll:

• Maintain eye-contact with the speaker
• Direct yourself towards the speaker
• Pay attention to what’s being said
• Put aside distracting thoughts

Mentally screen out distractions, like background activity and noise. In addition, try not to focus on the speaker’s accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distractions. Finally, don’t be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases.

Keep an open mind

Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you. If what she says alarms you, go ahead and feel alarmed, but don’t say to yourself, “Well, that was a stupid move.” As soon as you indulge in judgmental bemusements, you’ve compromised your effectiveness as a listener.

Listen without jumping to conclusions and don’t interrupt to finish their sentences. Remember that the speaker is using language to represent the thoughts and feelings inside her brain. You don’t know what those thoughts and feelings are and the only way you’ll find out is by listening.

Don’t interrupt or cut them off

Children used to be taught that it’s rude to interrupt. I’m not sure that message is getting across anymore. Certainly the opposite is being modelled on the majority of talk shows and reality programs, where loud, aggressive, in-your-face behaviour is condoned, if not encouraged.

Interrupting sends a variety of messages:

• I’m more important than you are
• What I have to say is more interesting
• I don’t care what you think
• I don’t have time for your opinion

We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicator—or for the guy who has trouble expressing himself.

Ask questions to clarify what they are saying

When you don’t understand something, of course you should ask the speaker to explain it to you. But rather than interrupt, wait until the speaker pauses. Then say something like, “Back up a second. I didn’t understand what you just said about…”

Ask questions and summarise to ensure understanding

When the person speaking has finished talking, ask questions relevant to what they are saying – try not to lead people in directions that have nothing to do with where they thought they were going. Sometimes we work our way back to the original topic, but very often we don’t.

You can also summarise the conversation to make sure you understand all the person is trying to say – this works well at networking events at the end of conversations, it also gives you an excuse to move onto another conversation.

Try to feel what the speaker is feeling

Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening. To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other person’s place and allow yourself to feel what it is like to be her at that moment. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes energy and concentration. But it is a generous and helpful thing to do, and it facilitates communication like nothing else does.

Give the speaker regular feedback

Show that you understand where the speaker is coming from by reflecting the speaker’s feelings. If the speaker’s feelings are hidden or unclear, then occasionally paraphrase the content of the message. Or just nod and show your understanding through appropriate facial expressions and an occasional well-timed “uh huh.”

Pay attention to non-verbal cues

The majority of face-to-face communication is non-verbal. We get a great deal of information about each other without saying a word. When face to face with a person, you can detect enthusiasm, boredom, or irritation very quickly in the expression around the eyes, the set of the mouth, the slope of the shoulders. These are clues you can’t ignore. When listening, remember that words convey only a fraction of the message.

To read these listening tips in more detail, visit 10 Steps To Effective Listening

Listening skills exercises

Online exercises

Practice your listening skills with interactive exercises.

• Active listening course with online practice

Summarise the conversation exercise

For a week, try concluding every conversation in which information is exchanged with a summary. In conversations that result in agreements about future activities, summarising will ensure accurate follow-through.

If you want to find the truth, do not listen to the words coming to you. Rather see the body language of the speaker. It speaks the facts not audible. – Bhavesh Chhatbar

When you speak, you don’t just speak with what you actually say, you also speak with your body language. From your facial expressions, to your posture and eye contact, they all add up to the ‘truth’ behind what you are saying. If you’re feeling nervous, your body could be giving a different message to your audience than the one you’re saying.

Body language is an essential part of public speaking success. Your non-verbal cues will impact on the way your message is received, how engaged your audience is, and what they think of you as an individual. Even if you’ve prepared the best speech in the world, if you aren’t animated, open or active then your audience won’t know what you’ve said.

Working on your body language can make a big difference to how you come across to your audience, and how you feel about public speaking in general. We’ve put together 8 of the most important elements of your body language that will shape how successful your speech is, explaining why they’re important and how you can use them to your advantage.

• Body Language: Online Course with Examples and Practice

1. Power pose

Why? In 2011, US social psychologists Amy Cuddy, Dana Carney and Andy Yap proposed that holding a ‘power pose‘ resulted in people actually feeling more powerful.

Their theory suggests that an open pose can raise testosterone levels and lower your cortisol levels – ie. increase your dominance and lower your stress. If you have confident body language and pretend you feel powerful, you’re more likely to actually feel it! And, who doesn’t want to feel powerful on stage?

How:

• Stand straight with your shoulders back and feet shoulder width apart.
• Imagine your shoulders opening up from one another so that they rest centrally.
• Place your hands either side of your body so that you can easily make hand gestures when you need to.
• Face the audience as much as possible. If you’re in a large room, tilt your whole body towards different parts of the audience so everyone feels included.

Amy Cuddy demonstrates a power pose — spreading your arms wide to appear more powerful. Image from TED.

Note: Issues with replicating this theory

There has been some debate recently as to whether power posing is actually effective. Read more here: Power posing replication failure

2. Eye contact

Why? Making eye contact with your audience builds a connection between you and them and they feel more valued by you. This makes the audience more likely to respect and listen to you because they feel important. It also makes the audience trust you more because people tend to avoid eye contact when they’re lying.

Confident body language can also be used as a feedback loop. Making eye contact is the easiest to way to receive feedback from the audience about your speech.

You can see if your audience are listening and read their facial expressions to see if they are interested, bored, angry, happy, and so on. You can then alter your speech accordingly based on the feedback you see. Without making eye contact, you could go through your whole speech irritating the audience!

How:

• When talking to a large number of people, maintain eye contact with one audience member for 4 or more seconds before moving to another member of the audience for 4 seconds, and so on.
• Make eye contact in a ‘Z’ formation – look at one person at the back left corner of the room, then the back right, then to the front left, and finally to someone at the front right. Be careful not to just repeat the Z formation with the same audience members each time you do it – you want to connect with as many members of the audience as possible.
• In one-on-one settings, maintain eye contact for 9-10 seconds and then break away to save yourself from coming across as intense or like you’re starting. (The same applies when answering a question from an audience of any size.)

Practice your eye contact in the virtual world with VirtualSpeech. A heatmap shows you where you were looking.

3. Hand gestures

Why? When used correctly, hand and arm gestures can help enhance your message and make you seem more confident and relaxed. Gestures amplify your stories and will help you come across as more genuine and believable. They’re an essential element of our non-verbal communication in showing others how we feel, and in turn how we make them feel.

Hand gestures are one of the most clear non-verbal ways we communicate confident body language or nervous body language – and your audience will react more positively to the former.

How:

• Think of your hand gestures as a storytelling tool; put verbs into action by acting them out with your hands.
• Don’t overdo it – gesture sparingly, and focus on action words. Make your gestures strong and defined.
• Begin in a neutral position with your hands either side of your body so that your hand gestures flow smoothly.
• Use symbolic gestures to communicate numbers and position, eg. 2 fingers for the number 2 and a raised hand for stop.
• Use descriptive gestures to communicate movement, eg. shapes, size, length, etc.
• Use emotional gestures to communicate feelings, eg. hands clasped together to show pleading, hands raise either side of your head to show despair.
• When using visual aids, point and turn slightly to look at the relevant data, and the audience will automatically follow your hands and eyes.
• Vary your gestures with different parts of your body. You don’t have to just use your arms- you could use your legs, facial expressions and full body movement as gestures too.

Learn how to use body language to improve your professional relationships. Practice what you learn in virtual reality exercises. Learn more about the body language course.

4. Movement

Why? Moving around the stage is a great way of showing your audience you are confident in what you’re saying and including everyone in the conversation. Commanding the space around you shows strong leadership and, after all, when you’re presenting you are the leader.

When you have confident body language, you’ll be more dynamic and interesting to listen to and your audience will not only be more engaged but they will have more trust in your message too.

How:

• Don’t pace around the stage every 30 seconds – this is distracting to your audience. Wait at least 3 minutes before moving to another area of the stage.
• Time your movement on stage with a change in topic – this is a way of physically marking the transition.
• Move towards the audience when asking questions or making an important point.
• When you’re walking to another side of the stage, try to avoid turning your back to any areas of the audience as this disconnects them and can come across as rude.
• Avoid swaying or rocking on the spot – either walk to another area of the stage or don’t move your entire body at all.

Watch 3 examples of positive and negative body language while giving a speech

5. Expressions

Why? People depend on facial expressions to interpret motives and emotions so an audience will respond better to you if you are expressive. This is a bit like acting – you want to emphasize your expressions so that everyone in the audience can interpret meaning from them.

You could film yourself speaking and identify artificial or unfriendly facial expressions you make when telling a story and replace them with more genuine, believable expressions. Try to practice speaking with your face to show happiness, sadness, anger, and surprise. Your face should reflect the emotions within your stories.

How:

• When trying to show shock or confusion, raise your eyebrows.
• If you’re conveying anger or concern, frown.
• When you’re happy in your story, simply smile.
• For sad moments, frown a little and slightly tilt the sides of your lips downwards.

6. Mannerisms

Why? Mannerisms are the nervous habits most people have that detract from your message and can make the audience feel uncomfortable. They are key to confident body language. Common habits you have that you might not be aware of are fiddling with your hair or suit, putting your hands in your pockets, and excessively using filler words such as ‘um,’ ‘so’ and ‘like’.

How:

• To break these habits, film yourself speaking and become aware of them.
• You could ask a trusted friend to tell you if you have any.
• Once you’ve acknowledged your nervous habits, work in your everyday conversation to break them. If you can break them on a small scale, you’ll likely find they disappear in front of larger audiences too.

7. Breathing

Why? Even though your audience can’t see your breath, it is a significant factor in portraying confident body language. Maintaining a slow, steady breath can reduce your stress levels and make you less likely to revert to nervous habits, bad posture and excessive movement. Relaxed and deep breaths also ensure that you’re speaking at the right pace and your voice can project across the room, which in itself will make you feel and sound more confident.

How:

• Before you present or speak in public, do some breathing exercises to warm up your voice and fill your lungs. Slowly inhale for 3 seconds, and exhale for 4 seconds. Repeat this as often as you need to, in order to feel calm.
• Always make sure you’re standing up straight so that your lungs can expand fully.

To maximise your breath, and thus your voice and consequently your influence, you should aim to fill your lungs all the way down. Image from RADA Effective Communication.

8. Voice

Why? Your vocal expression is physical and so your body language has an effect on your voice and can enhance or detract from the message of your speech.

Albert Mehrabian wrote extensively on the relative importance of verbal and non-verbal messages and his findings have been quoted for years as the ‘7-38-55 Rule‘.

Importance of verbal and non-verbal communication:

• 7% – words
• 38% – tone
• 55% – body language

When you combine these 3 elements, your audience will be more engaged and connected with you. So don’t forget that your body language should always enhance your voice and emphasize your message.

How:

• Imagine you have a string on the crown of your head that is being gently pulled. This will help elongate your spine, maximise your rib cage and allow more air to inflate your lungs and support your vocal expression.
• Watch videos of good and bad speeches to see how their words are in tune with their body language, or how they are not.
• Practice varying your pitch. You can do this with the VirtualSpeech app that you gain access to when purchasing the Essential Public Speaking course.

Most of our body language and movement is subconscious so it can be difficult to retrain ourselves away from habits we’ve had for years. However, to master the art of public speaking you must also master your body’s language too.

Of course, you don’t want to distract yourself from your speech by consciously thinking how you are standing, where you are looking, and if you’re breathing correctly.

So, as with any other skill, regular practice is the secret to success and the quickest route to confident body language. You could practice the techniques above in your day-to-day life so that they become deep-rooted habits and then you won’t have to consciously think about doing them when you’re on stage.